Conversations With My Pets

“If animals could speak, the dog would be a blundering outspoken fellow; but the cat would have the rare grace of never saying a word too much.”

-Mark Twain

Scout and Stella
Scout and Stella

One of our poor pups was not feeling so well last night.  As it turns out, they are both afraid of thunderstorms.  We learned this with Scout during the 4th of July, when the entire week was alternating between storms and fireworks.  I believe many of my neighbors felt the need to set off as many fireworks as possible as soon as the storms past each night that week.  More recently, we brought Stella into our family.  As it turns out, she is also not that thrilled about thunder.  So, now we need two thunder vests.  Lesson learned.

Besides that, they are both rather picky about when they want to be inside or outside.  Sometimes the rain doesn’t bother them, but sometimes it does.  Scout is a sassy teenager, for sure.  She only wants something when she can’t have it, and nearly refuses to do something on command without some coaxing.

I imagine our conversations go like this.

I really want to go outside.  Please open the door.  I need to go.  I really want to go.  Look at me, please!

“Scout, you need to go outside to go potty?”

Yes.  Please let me out.  I can’t hold it any longer.

I open the door.

I’m not going out there. It’s raining.

“Go outside. Go potty.”

I can’t go out there.

Stella darts around her and heads outside to pee.  She immediately runs back inside.

“Scout, are you going out or not?  Not holding the door open for you anymore.”

Make it stop raining.

I shut the door.

Please let me out. I have to pee.

I open the door.

You didn’t make it stop raining.


Sometimes, when I get off from work, I’m super tired.  I just need to change into sweats and get out of my uncomfortable work clothes, but it’s nice to see people excited to see me.

Oh my God!  She’s home.  Look, she’s home!  She didn’t leave us.

Cam just stands and watches.  He’s been home since 1:30.  I’m sure they did the same to him.

Mommy is home!  

Stella and Scout are both jumping on me.

You wore that to work today?  Ugh, it’s so ugly and bright white.  Let me fix that for you.  My paws are primed with the mud where I dug a hole under the fence.


There’s no need to forget my fluffy feline children.

Gracie generally sleeps in bed with us.  Columbus might if we’re not moving around too much for his taste.  Izzy will only enter the bedroom if no one else is in there; otherwise, she sleeps under the guest bed (I think she only leaves to eat).

Every night, it’s the same with Gracie.

Hey, you guys trying to spoon and cuddle.  Ooh, let me in.  It’s so warm between your heads.

We spend a few minutes twisting our heads in various positions in order to accommodate the purring machine.

No, I order you not to move!  My butt fits perfectly right here under your neck.

“Gracie, get out of the way!”

Absolutely not!  The more you resist, the more my long, lush whiskers will tickle your nose.  Now, fall asleep to the sound of my loud purring.

I’m not saying they run our lives, but if you read my previous post on our messy house, it would appear that they run the house and we simply live here with them.


Home Is Where The Mess Is

There’s nothing more exciting than buying a new home, moving in and updating it to reflect your own personality.  When Cam and I bought our current home a few months ago, we had visions of a beautifully manicured backyard with a vegetable garden and each room perfectly decorated to fit into the theme of that room.

The house was beautiful by itself, and it was the first house we viewed with our realtor.  I had eyed it for months while we saved the down payment.  When it was finally ours, we changed as much of the interior as we could.  Repainting, redecorating, undoing the little mishaps from the previous owner who fancied himself a handyman (but was clearly not).  We knew we were going to make the house even better than the previous owners.

As it turns out, it’s more like we’re “those neighbors.”  With two large dogs, they’ve gnawed on the edges of the deck.  We tell ourselves, “it’s ok, we were going to build a bigger deck anyway.”  My garden didn’t last their desire to dig (even with a fence around it and a separate digging box for them). That’s ok.  We will build a bigger fence next year.  With the late summer and autumn rains, their muddy paws streaked the siding of the house.  We just keep saying that we’ll fix and our home will be perfect.  We have a beautiful patio right off the deck with a lovely fireplace.  Until we moved there, I wasn’t aware that stones could be dug up from a patio with little doggy paws.

A month after moving in, I locked our cat in the closet and she clawed at the carpet.  No worries, we need new carpet anyway, because the dog got sick in the hallway and that won’t come up.  This morning, a huge gnawed hole in the carpet in our bedroom showed up.  Hmm, I wonder which of our four-legged critters did that?

I also keep reminding Cam that if we had kids, it might be worse, with Kool-Aid stains, crayon drawings on the walls, or even more vomit-y stains everywhere.  It could always be worse.

Now, I’m not saying we ruined the house.  It’s still in perfectly livable condition.  I’m just gonna say, we don’t really need that new carpet anymore.  What’s the point of new carpet if our cats are just going to vomit all over it too?

We had an idea of what the home was going to be when we moved in, but really it’s just a little bit bigger than the house we just came from.  It’s still a bit too messy all the time.  We blamed it previously on the lack of space.  Now we blame it on crammed schedules.  The beautiful kitchen I have now rarely gets cooked in.  I used to blame that on the terribly small kitchen we had at the condo.

Originally, we had the idea that the home would reflect our personalities, or maybe just the personalities we wanted.  Keeping everything spotless, cooking all the time, having regular parties were all things we envisioned.  In real life, we’d rather take the dogs on a hike or sleep in and read.  As it turns out, our home reflects who we really are–two people who have better things to do than worry about how perfect our house looks.